For managersCareers, resignations, goal setting, and more

When an Employee Says They're Quitting: How to Respond

Updated October 27, 2026KAKEAI, Inc.

Short answer

When a direct report says they're quitting, don't decide in advance whether to persuade them to stay or just listen. Start by asking 2 things. First, have they already decided, or are they still unsure? Second, what do they want from you? Someone who has decided and is letting you know wants something different from someone who is unsure and wants to talk. In KAKEAI's survey of 10,000 employees in Japan, the most common answer to what people most want from their manager in meetings was "it varies from time to time," at 20.9%. Avoid promising things you can't decide yourself, such as a raise or a transfer, to get them to stay.

By the numbers

In KAKEAI's survey of 10,000 employees in Japan, a little over 1 in 5 people named problems in meetings with their manager such as not being able to bring up what they want to talk about, or worrying about their evaluation so they can't say what they really think. The most common answer to what people most want from their manager in meetings was "it varies from time to time." When a team member brings up leaving, it often helps to first ask how far along they are in deciding and what they want from you. Only promise what you can keep yourself.

21.8%: 10,000-person survey; Share of people who named at least one of these problems in meetings with their manager: can't bring up what they want to talk about, worry about their evaluation so can't say what they really think, or no trust so don't feel safe talking; That's a little over 1 in 5 of all respondents.
20.9%: 10,000-person survey; Share of people who chose "it varies from time to time" as what they most want from their manager in meetings; This was the most common answer. "I want specific advice," "I want to hear your opinion," and "I want us to think it through together" added up to 45.6%, and "I want you to listen" was 7.9%. What people want from their manager differs from person to person and from one time to the next.
23.2%: 10,000-person survey; Among people who named "my manager doesn't apply what we discussed day to day, or doesn't keep promises" as a problem with their meetings, the share who feel their meetings lead to results; Across all respondents, 31.9% feel their meetings lead to results, so the rate is lower for people who named this problem. 6.2% of all respondents named it.

All 3 figures come from questions about regular meetings with a manager. They did not ask about resignations or reasons for considering leaving.

Source: KAKEAI, Inc. “1-on-1 Survey” (N=10,000, May 2026, online survey of employees in Japan)

The survey asked 10,000 employees in Japan who meet their manager regularly how those meetings feel from their side.

Source: KAKEAI, Inc. “Kakeai AI 1on1 usage data” (records of 300,000 1-on-1 sessions extracted from sessions held between October 12, 2025 and October 3, 2026, aggregated so that no company or individual can be identified)

What can a manager do on the day a direct report says they're quitting?

On the day a direct report tells you they're thinking of leaving, what you can do is ask how far along they are in deciding, and what they want from you. Along with that, avoid making promises you can't keep.

People can decide to leave without ever consulting their manager. Until the day they decide to tell you, you have no way of knowing how settled their mind is.

KAKEAI's survey of 10,000 employees in Japan asked about problems people have in meetings with their manager. 21.8% named at least one of these: they can't bring up what they want to talk about, they worry about their evaluation so they can't say what they really think, or there's no trust so they don't feel safe talking.

Wondering whether to quit is probably an especially hard thing to bring up. If their mind is already made up by the time they tell you, there isn't much you can change that day. On the other hand, in every case, you can change your next meeting with the team members who will keep working with you.

2 things to ask in the first 5 minutes

When a team member tells you they're thinking of leaving, try asking 2 things in the first 5 minutes: have they already decided, or are they still unsure? And what do they want from you? Someone who has decided and is letting you know wants something different from someone who is unsure and wants to talk it through.

Some advice says, "When an employee tells you they're quitting, don't interrupt. Just listen to the end." It's fine if some conversations are only listening. But KAKEAI doesn't recommend deciding in advance that you'll only listen when someone raises leaving. This page also doesn't recommend deciding in advance that you'll try to talk them out of it first. You can't know which fits until you ask the person.

Team member: Do you have a minute? Actually, I'm thinking about leaving.
Manager: Thank you for telling me. First, let me ask just 2 things.
Manager: Is this something you've already decided? Or are you still thinking it over?
Manager: For today, is it closer to wanting me to start the process, wanting me to listen, or wanting to think it through together?

KAKEAI's survey of 10,000 employees asked what people most want from their manager in meetings. The most common answer was "it varies from time to time," at 20.9%. "I want specific advice," "I want to hear your opinion," and "I want us to think it through together" added up to 45.6%, and "I want you to listen" was 7.9%.

Records of 300,000 1-on-1 sessions extracted from Kakeai, KAKEAI's 1-on-1 service, show the same pattern. Of what team members chose before their 1-on-1s as what they wanted from their manager, "I want us to think it through together," "I want to hear your opinion," and "I want specific advice" added up to 53.4%. "I want you to listen" was 11.7%. In both sets of data, those 3 combined, including "think it through together," are higher than "I want you to listen."

Don't assume what your team member wants from you when they bring up leaving. Ask them.

Once you've asked the 2 questions, hear them out to the end, and confirm who you may share this with, and how much.

Manager: For now, I'll keep this between us. Before I tell my own manager or HR, I'll check with you first.

If company rules require you to report to your own manager or HR right away, tell your team member so on the spot.

When they bring it up in passing or over chat, or when you're too surprised to respond

If they raise it at their desk with others nearby or in a hallway, don't continue the conversation there. Find another place or time.

Manager: This is important, so I'd like to hear it properly. Could you give me about 30 minutes this evening?

If you get a chat message saying "I'm quitting," don't ask for the reason in your reply. Set up a time to talk in the same way.

If you're too surprised to know what to say, it's fine to ask just one question and continue the next day. It often helps to set the time for your next conversation on the spot.

Manager: Honestly, I'm surprised. Let me ask just one thing. Is this something you've already decided?

What to say and ask, depending on the situation

How you respond when a direct report says they're quitting depends on whether they've already decided, are still unsure, or would stay under certain conditions.

When they've already decided to leave

If they say "I've decided," hold off on trying to persuade them to reconsider by offering conditions. Say once that you'd like them to stay, then work out together how things will go until their last day.

I understand. Honestly, I was hoping you'd stay. But I respect the decision you've made.
From here, I'd like to work out together how things will go until your last day. Around when are you thinking your last day in the office will be?
When, and from whom, should my manager, HR, and the team hear about this?
For the handoff, could you tell me about any work that only you know how to do?
Last, one thing I'd like to ask. Was there anything about how I worked with you that made things harder? I'd like to learn from it.

Before the day is out, do these 3 things.

Write down what you heard from them and what you said.
Report to your own manager and HR, within the scope they agreed to.
For the last day, how to submit a resignation letter, and how any remaining paid time off will be handled, don't answer on your own judgment. Check your company's policies and talk to HR.

Avoid responding on the spot with things like "We can't have you leaving on that date" or "Take your time off after the handoff is done."

If your own manager asks you to persuade them to stay, separate the facts from what you'd like to discuss.

I told them myself that I'd like them to stay. They've already decided to leave, and their start date at their next job is set. I'd like to talk with you about a replacement and the handoff.

When they're unsure whether to leave

Someone who is unsure is someone who came to talk to you before deciding. If they say they want you to listen, focus on listening that day. It's fine to end by just setting the date for your next conversation.

If they want to think it through together, first try to understand what's bothering them and what they themselves want, and then think it through with them seriously.

Thank you for talking to me before deciding.
What's bothering you most right now? Is it closer to the work itself or the workload, pay or evaluation, or relationships?
Since about when have you been feeling this way?
Is there anything about how I work with you that makes things harder? Please don't hold back.

Even if your way of working with them isn't what they hoped for, it's hard to say so to the person who evaluates them. We recommend that you ask that last question yourself.

In KAKEAI's survey of 10,000 employees, 12.9% named "my manager's response is different from what I expect" as a problem with their meetings. Among these people, 23.4% feel their meetings lead to results, below the 31.9% across all respondents.

If they ask for your opinion, first ask what they think, then share your own view in concrete terms.

Which way are you leaning right now?
I'd like you to stay. I was planning to ask you to take on Y next term. But the decision is yours.

On a day you've thought it through together, do these 3 things before ending the meeting.

Tell them what you can change on your own authority (how work is divided, how much you hand over to them, how often they report, and so on).
For things you can't decide alone, such as pay, promotion, or transfers, say so, and promise a date when you'll tell them what you found out.
Decide together what each of you will do before your next conversation.

I can change how work is divided on my own. I'll come up with a plan by Friday.
I can't decide pay or transfers on my own, so I can't make promises. Is it okay if I talk to HR? Next Wednesday, I'll tell you what I've found out by then.
Is there anything you'd like to sort out on your side before we talk next?

For their part, something like "write down 3 things that would need to change for you to stay" is plenty.

When it depends on conditions, such as "I'd stay if I could transfer"

If they say "I'll stay if I can transfer" or "I'll think about it if my pay goes up," don't promise anything on the spot. Check first, then respond. Saying "Okay" smooths things over for the moment, which is exactly why it's easy to make a promise you can't keep.

Thank you for telling me your conditions. But I can't make any promises right now. I'll check what's possible and what isn't, and then get back to you.
What would need to change, and by how much, for you to stay?
By when do I need to get back to you for it to be in time?
If that turns out to be difficult, is there anything else that would help?

Set the date for your next conversation on the spot, and that same day, with their consent, talk to your own manager and HR. On the day you talk next, tell them what you've found out by then.

In the survey of 10,000 employees, 6.2% named "my manager doesn't apply what we discussed day to day, or doesn't keep promises" as a problem with their meetings. Among these people, 23.2% feel their meetings lead to results, below the 31.9% across all respondents.

If a promise made to smooth things over isn't kept, then even if your team member stays, your words tend to carry less trust in later meetings. Only promise what you can keep yourself, with a deadline.

When you find out something can't be done, tell them plainly.

I checked with HR, and I'm sorry, but a transfer isn't possible this term. What I can do is change who handles Y. With that in mind, could you tell me what you think?

When the reason for leaving is health or harassment at work

If the reason for leaving is health or harassment at work, don't carry it alone. Also avoid judging whether it's an illness yourself. With their consent, connect them with HR or a professional such as an occupational health professional.

Thank you for telling me. I don't want this to stop with just me hearing it. Would it be okay to bring in someone from HR?

Even if they say no, don't promise that you won't tell anyone. Don't decide how to handle it on your own. Talk to HR or your company's internal help line.

5 things to avoid when a direct report says they're quitting

Here are 5 things to avoid when a direct report says they're quitting.

Deciding in advance on one way to respond. Neither only listening nor trying to talk them out of it first necessarily matches what they want from you.
Trying to keep them with promises you can't keep. Raises, promotions, and transfers aren't something you can decide alone.
Holding meeting after meeting to keep persuading them to reconsider. Don't decide on your own how far to go in trying to keep someone. Check your company's policies and talk to HR.
Telling them "at a busy time like this." It's natural to worry about a replacement or the team's results, but the people to talk to about that are your own manager and HR, not them.
Leaving them out of meetings and communications until their last day. Other team members notice when someone is left out. If people take away that this is a workplace where you get shut out once you say you're leaving, it becomes harder for them to bring up doubts early. If your company has rules about handling information, explain the reason to the person and follow the rules.

What were your meetings like for the person who's leaving?

You can't know what your meetings were like from the perspective of the team member who's leaving. Not to blame yourself, but to improve future meetings, look back on these 3 points.

Were your meetings a time when they could say what they really thought? In KAKEAI's survey of 10,000 employees, 15.0% of respondents in their 20s named "I can't bring up what I want to or should talk about" as a problem with their meetings. Among respondents in their 20s, 14.4% also named "I worry about how it will affect my evaluation or how I'm seen, so I can't say what I really think." Both were the highest rates of any age group. Even if your team members don't say anything, that doesn't mean they have nothing they want to talk about.
Did what you heard lead to action afterward? If you don't act on what your team members tell you, they're more likely to feel "talking doesn't change anything." In the same survey, 9.4% said their meetings lead to action afterward every time. Among these people, 75.5% feel their meetings lead to results, far above the 31.9% across all respondents.
Did you keep your promises? Think back on whether there's anything where you said "I'll check" or "I'll think about it" and never got back to them.

What to change in your next meeting with the team members who are staying

In your next meetings with your other team members, try changing 3 things.

Bring up, yourself, things you heard about but never followed up on.

Last month you told me Y was hard to work with, and I didn't do anything about it. I'm sorry. How are things now?

Ask about their future career.

Is there any work you'd like to take on over the next year? Does your current work seem to lead there?
If you ever start thinking about leaving, I'd be glad if you talked to me once before deciding. I'd like to think together about whether there's anything that can change.

In Kakeai's records, for the topic "future career," team members chose "I want to hear your opinion" 16.6% of the time and "I want us to think it through together" 16.4% of the time. "I want you to listen" was 7.6%. On career topics, people more often want their manager's opinion or to think it through together than simply to be heard.

With the person taking over the departing team member's work, decide together what work they'll drop in exchange.

Since you'll be taking over some of their work, I'd like to reduce your current workload. Shall we decide together today what to cut?

How to look back on how you handled it

Whether you handled a direct report's resignation well isn't decided by whether you got them to stay. Drawing on its experience supporting more than 3 million 1-on-1s and the results of its survey of 10,000 employees, KAKEAI believes that whether the meeting on the day a team member said they were leaving went well is also judged by what happened afterward. Look back on your time together from these 3 points.

When you ended the meeting on the day they brought it up, had the two of you shared where they stood (decided, unsure, or depending on conditions) and when you'd talk next?
For what you took away to look into, were you able to get back to them by the date you promised? Were you able to tell them plainly about things you found couldn't be done?
In meetings with your other team members, are the two of you able to discuss things that are hard to say?

If you feel the third one isn't happening, check whether there's anything you heard about but left unaddressed. One sign to watch is whether your team members have started bringing their doubts to you earlier.

What Kakeai AI 1on1 can do in this situation

When you don't want what you heard from a team member, or what you promised them, to fall through the cracks, here is what Kakeai AI 1on1 can do.

Before the 1-on-1

Choosing a topic and the response you'd like
Before a 1-on-1, the team member can choose the topic they want to discuss and how they would like their manager to respond (the expected response). Depending on your settings, managers can choose topics too. The selections appear on both of your screens.
Advice on how to bring up what you want to say, and key points
If you enter something you want to bring up with your team member in the "Things to Tell Your Team Member" field and save it, the "Pre-1-on-1 AI Advice" is rewritten to reflect it. What you enter is not shown on your team member's screen.
Conversation history digest by topic
On the "Overview" screen for each person you meet with, you can look back at a written digest of the past six months of 1-on-1s prepared by Kakeai AI, along with what you have discussed under each topic. You both see the same content.

Day to day

Summaries and next steps in one place
The summary of each 1-on-1 is collected on the "Schedule & History" screen, and the next steps you decided are collected on the "MOVE" screen, organized by each person you meet with. You can look back at them anytime.

Kakeai AI 1on1 is currently available in Japanese. If you would like to use it in English, let us know.

Used by 600+ companies / 3,000,000+ 1-on-1s supported

Frequently asked questions

My direct report asked me not to tell anyone about their resignation yet. What should I do?

When a team member asks you not to tell anyone yet, only promise what you can keep. For example: "For now, I'll keep this between us. But my manager and HR are involved in the process, so I'd like us to decide together when to tell them." Avoid a promise you can't keep, such as never telling anyone.

My direct report brought up leaving but won't tell me why. Should I try to get the reason out of them?

When a team member doesn't want to share why they're leaving, don't press. Move ahead with talking through the process and the handoff. Then, just once, try asking: "I won't push you for the reason. But if there's anything about how I work with people that I should change, I'd appreciate it if you could tell me before your last day." Whatever they say can be a clue for rethinking your meetings with your other team members.

A direct report who was thinking of leaving has decided to stay. What should I do next?

After a team member decides to stay, first follow through on what you promised, by the deadline. In your next meeting, ask them yourself, for example: "It's been 2 weeks since we changed how work is divided. How is it really going?" If promises aren't kept, your words tend to carry less trust in later meetings. If there's something you couldn't do, tell them plainly, along with the reason.

I sense a direct report might be about to quit, but they haven't said anything. Is it okay to ask?

If you sense a team member might be about to quit, you don't have to wait for them to bring it up. It's fine to ask in your next meeting. But even if you ask "Are you planning to leave?", it's hard for them to say "yes" to the person who evaluates them. We recommend asking about their work situation instead, such as "What's bothering you most about continuing in your current role?"

My direct report's preferred last day and use of paid time off don't fit the team's needs. What should I do?

Don't settle the last day or how paid time off is handled on your own judgment. Check your company's policies and talk to HR. Tell your team member something like, "I can't decide that on my own, so I'll check with HR and get back to you the day after tomorrow." If the handoff won't be finished in time, don't decide how to handle that alone either. Talk to your own manager and HR.

Sources and how to cite these figures