How to Handle a Defiant Employee: Steps for Managers

Split situations where a team member seems defiant into 3 types

Situations where a team member seems defiant fall into 3 types: "they object in meetings," "they do the work differently from your instructions," and "they say 'got it' but don't act." The right response differs for each, so instead of lumping them together as an attitude problem, first work out which one you are facing.

"Defiant" describes how the manager sees it. What you can state as fact is only when, in response to which instruction, the team member did what. The examples below use a sales team that has agreed to "enter each visit record in the shared spreadsheet on the same day."

KAKEAI's survey of 10,000 employees in Japan asked 6,074 people who said their meetings with their manager lead to action "about half the time" or less why they don't (up to 5 choices). "I don't want to because it conflicts with my self-image or who I want to be" was the least common of the 10 answers tallied, at 8.3%. "I don't have the information I need to act" was 15.9%, "I can't act because of time or cost constraints" was 15.4%, and "I don't feel a need to act now (low urgency)" was 13.4%. In other words, fewer people gave not wanting to as a reason than gave missing information or lack of time.

Before concluding "they just don't want to," review whether they have enough information and time, and whether the reason for the task has come across.

An instruction without a reason easily becomes, for the team member, work whose purpose they don't understand. On the other hand, showing disagreement through actions without putting it into words is something the team member can change. Both the manager and the team member have something they can do.

How to coach a team member who seems defiant, situation by situation

The following 5 steps are an example approach that works in every situation. You can change the order to suit the person and the situation.

1. Don't use words that judge their attitude. Describe one event as a fact.
2. Ask your team member the reason for that action.
3. Explain the reason for the instruction and your own view.
4. Based on what they told you, sort out together what will change and what won't.
5. Set a date to check on things together.

Choose a place where other team members can't hear, and start by saying what the conversation is for.

When they object in a meeting, in front of other team members

An objection raised before a decision is valuable input. Ask for one reason on the spot, and then, as part of your role, make the call.

When an objection comes after a decision has been made, in the moment just say when it will be reviewed.

Once you are one-on-one, first hear their view all the way through. Then explain the reason for the instruction concretely, in your own words.

In KAKEAI's survey, the most common thing people expect from their manager in meetings (up to 5 choices) was "I want your opinion," at 33.6%. "I want you to listen" was 20.8%. More people want their manager's opinion than simply want to be heard.

Records of 300,000 1-on-1 sessions extracted from Kakeai, KAKEAI's 1-on-1 service, show a similar pattern. For the "company or department policy" topic chosen before a 1-on-1, 27.1% of employees chose "I want your opinion" as what they expect from their manager. It was the most common of the 5 options other than "Other," and "I want you to listen" was 4.9%. When the topic is company or department policy, employees tend to want their manager's opinion.

When someone objects to a company or department policy, too, it helps to hear the reason and then share your own view. Explaining "because the department head decided it" leaves your view out, and doesn't answer what your team member wants to know. If it's a decision whose reason you haven't heard yet, check with your own manager before you talk.

Once you've explained the reason, say what you'd like from them going forward.

When the work is being done differently from your instructions

When you notice the work being done differently from your instructions, first consider whether there is a reason this work needs to be done the same way. If they are getting results and no one else on the team is having trouble, how they do it is something you can leave to them. Ask, with the reason, only for the parts that need to be consistent.

In Kakeai's records, for the "work progress and approach" topic, 17.0% of employees chose "I want us to think it through together" as what they expect from their manager. It was the most common of the 5 options other than "Other." When the topic is how work gets done, people tend to want to think it through with their manager.

Before asking them to change how they work, ask what they are struggling with and what they want to do. Then work out together which way is faster and more reliable. If their way is better, we recommend adopting it for the whole team.

When they say "Got it," but haven't acted on it

When they say yes but haven't acted, ask whether something is stopping them or they are not convinced. A question like "Why aren't you doing it?" easily sounds like a scolding in the form of a question, and tends to get you an apology rather than a reason. If your first question doesn't bring out the reason, change it so "I'm not convinced" is also an acceptable answer.

If what they tell you shows your instruction was unreasonable, change the instruction. If the answer is that they're not convinced, explain the reason for the instruction again, and be concrete about which parts can't change.

When actions that differ from instructions continue, talk about evaluation before the end of the period

As a rough guide, if nothing has changed after you have checked in together 3 times, set aside time to talk against the evaluation criteria. Based on its experience supporting more than 3 million 1-on-1s and its survey of 10,000 employees, KAKEAI believes that how ongoing actions that differ from instructions will be reflected in evaluations should be discussed in regular meetings, not held until the end of the period. If your team member first learns about the impact on their evaluation in the end-of-period meeting, they have no time left to improve.

In KAKEAI's survey, among people who meet with their manager at least once a week, 50.8% of those who discuss performance evaluations in their meetings feel that "meetings lead to results." Among those who don't discuss evaluations, the figure was 39.7%. In weekly or more frequent meetings, people who discuss evaluations feel more results.

When you talk, open the document with the evaluation criteria together and look at the same item. Rather than an impression like "your attitude is bad," set the wording of the criteria next to what actually happened. How things are reflected in evaluations differs by company, so check with HR beforehand.

If nothing changes even after you talk about evaluation, don't carry it alone; consult your own manager and HR. So you can explain what happened accurately, keep a record, limited to facts, of when, which instruction, what happened, and what you said. Whether not following instructions can lead to a change of assignment or disciplinary action depends on company rules. Check the work rules as well. In the meeting, avoid telling them "You'll be disciplined" or "I'm taking you off this work."

What to avoid when a team member seems defiant

What to avoid when a team member seems defiant is making their attitude itself the issue, and locking yourself into one approach or one order of steps.

• Using words that judge their attitude, like "You've been pretty defiant lately." It doesn't tell them what to change. Also avoid putting it down to personality or generation. Neither is something they can change.
• Putting off coaching until you've built trust. Some advice says "with a defiant team member, rebuild trust first," but KAKEAI does not recommend fixing the order as "coach only once the relationship is in place." Building the relationship matters, but while you wait, neither the reason for your instructions nor your own view reaches your team member. The relationship is more likely built by hearing their reasons one at a time and keeping to what you've agreed yourself. The relationship between a manager and a team member goes through stages, and the approach that fits changes with the stage. While they are still guarded, it helps to keep each conversation to one topic.
• Deciding in advance to just listen. Some advice also says "never contradict them; just listen." Listening is essential, and some conversations can end with just listening. But KAKEAI does not recommend deciding in advance to just listen every time. If you stay in listening mode even when your team member wants to know what you think, nothing gets decided about how to move forward. On the other hand, also avoid talking only about your own view without asking their reasons.
• Winning the argument in the meeting. If you push it through by lining up reasons in front of the others, your team member may find it harder to speak up next time. In the moment, acknowledge it briefly, and talk one-on-one afterward.

How to look back on your coaching

Whether your coaching is working shows less in whether their attitude has softened and more in whether what you agreed together has turned into action. Look back on your exchanges with these 3 points:

• On the day you checked in together, was what you agreed still being done?
• Did objections and other ideas come up between you before action was taken?
• Were things that made the work hard shared between you before the deadline?

In KAKEAI's survey, 61.3% of people whose meetings lead to action every time or almost every time feel that "meetings lead to results." Among people whose meetings rarely or never lead to action, the figure was 7.0%. The more meetings lead to action, the more people feel results.

Even if the conversation still feels stiff, if what you agreed together is turning into action, you can consider your coaching to be moving forward. If more objections come up before decisions are made, there is no need to worry.