For managersWorking with direct reports

How to Respond When an Employee Comes to You for Advice

Updated October 27, 2026KAKEAI, Inc.

Short answer

When a team member comes to you for advice, we recommend not deciding in advance to "listen first" or "answer right away." Instead, find out what they need and by when, and then respond. In KAKEAI's survey of 10,000 employees in Japan, even the most common thing people expect from their manager in meetings (up to 5 choices), "I want your opinion," was chosen by only 33.6%. What people expect from their manager varies. Some requests are for a decision or an opinion, some are for you to take action, some are reports they want you to know about, and some are a need to be heard. If you still can't tell which one it is after listening for about 30 seconds, ask your team member.

By the numbers

In KAKEAI's survey of 10,000 employees in Japan, even when people could choose up to 5 things they expect from their manager in meetings, no option was chosen by more than half. Some people want an opinion, some want to report something, and some want to be heard. When a team member asks for advice at your desk or by chat, it helps not to fix your response in advance, and to find out what they need first.

33.6%: 10,000-person survey; Share of people who chose "I want your opinion" as something they expect from their manager in meetings (up to 5 choices); This was the most common answer. "I want specific advice" was 32.0%, and "I want us to think it through together" was 29.4%. Even though people could choose up to 5, no option was chosen by more than half. What people expect differs from person to person.
25.3%: 10,000-person survey; Share of people who chose "I want to report something" as something they expect from their manager in meetings (up to 5 choices); 20.8% chose "I want you to listen." Besides people who want their manager's opinion or advice, a good number want to report something or want to be heard.
23.4%: 10,000-person survey; Among people who named "My manager's response is not what I expect" as a problem in meetings, the share who feel their meetings lead to results; This is below the 31.9% for all respondents. People who feel their manager's response differs from what they expect are less likely to feel their meetings produce results. 12.9% of respondents named this problem.

The survey of 10,000 employees asked about regular meetings with a manager. It did not look at requests for advice that come up suddenly at a desk or by chat.

Source: KAKEAI, Inc. “1-on-1 Survey” (N=10,000, May 2026, online survey of employees in Japan)

The survey asked 10,000 employees in Japan who meet their manager regularly how those meetings feel from their side.

Source: KAKEAI, Inc. “Kakeai AI 1on1 usage data” (records of 300,000 1-on-1 sessions extracted from sessions held between October 12, 2025 and October 3, 2026, aggregated so that no company or individual can be identified)

What does your team member want when they come to you for advice?

What team members want when they come to their manager for advice falls into four broad types. We recommend not deciding in advance whether to listen or answer, and instead working out which type the request is closest to before you respond.

A decision or an opinion. They want you to decide which option to go with, or they want to hear your opinion or advice.
Action from you. The issue moves forward only if you act, for example by making a request to another department or changing priorities.
A report they want you to know about. They don't need a reply. They want you to know about it ahead of time.
To be heard. More than an answer or a solution, they first want you to listen.

KAKEAI's survey of 10,000 employees in Japan asked people to choose up to 5 things they expect from their manager in meetings. The most common was "I want your opinion" at 33.6%, followed by "I want specific advice" at 32.0% and "I want us to think it through together" at 29.4%. "I want to report something" was 25.3%, and "I want you to listen" was 20.8%. Even though people could choose up to 5, no option was chosen by more than half. What people expect from their manager varies.

Records of 300,000 1-on-1 sessions extracted from Kakeai, KAKEAI's 1-on-1 service, show the same variety when broken down by the topic employees chose before a 1-on-1: even within one topic, what they expect from their manager differs. For the "work progress and approach" topic, 17.0% of employees chose "I want us to think it through together" and 14.5% chose "I want to report something." For the "relationships" topic, 15.9% chose "I want your opinion" and 14.1% chose "I want you to listen." In both topics, these two were the top choices among the options other than "Other."

Both the survey and Kakeai's records cover regular meetings and 1-on-1s, not sudden requests for advice. Also, "action from you" was not one of the survey's options. It is a category this page adds.

If you misjudge the type of request, your team member's issue may not get resolved. For example, if you respond to a request for a decision by only listening, their work stays stuck. On the other hand, if you list solutions when they just want to be heard, they are unlikely to feel heard.

In the survey, 12.9% of respondents named "My manager's response is not what I expect" as a problem in meetings. Of these people, 23.4% feel their meetings lead to results, below the 31.9% for all respondents. People who feel their manager's response differs from what they expect tend to feel fewer results.

Some advice says "when a team member asks for advice, the manager should just listen without interrupting." KAKEAI does not recommend deciding that in advance. We also don't recommend deciding in advance to "never give answers and make them figure it out through questions," or to "always give an answer right away."

Some requests can end with just listening, some are better served by asking questions back, and some need a quick answer. What to avoid is choosing one way of responding before you have heard what the request is. Based on its experience supporting more than 3 million 1-on-1s and its survey of 10,000 employees, KAKEAI believes that a manager's response to a request for advice is not something to fix in advance.

Should you listen now or later? How to decide

Whether to listen now or later is best decided by when your team member needs a reply, rather than by whether you have time. When a request is waiting on your decision or your action, your team member's work stops until you reply.

When you can listen right away

Start by telling your team member how much time you have. That makes it easier for them to fit what they want to say into that time.

I have about 5 minutes right now. If that's not enough, I'll set aside 15 minutes later today.

When you can't break away

When you can't break away, don't pretend to listen. Say honestly that you can't listen right now. Then tell them when you can listen, or ask only when they need a reply. If you keep looking at your screen and nod along, you think you've listened, they think they've asked, and the actual reply tends to stay unclear.

I'm heading into a meeting, so just tell me one thing first. When do you need an answer by?
By 3 p.m. today, got it. My meeting ends at 2:30, so I'll come to your desk when it's over.
If tomorrow works, shall we take 15 minutes at 9:30?

Asking when they need a reply helps you separate requests that can wait from ones you can settle with a quick answer on the spot. If the only question is "which option should we go with," you can answer it on your way to the meeting room.

When a request comes in by chat

With a request by chat, your team member has no way of knowing when you will reply. Before working out what to say, it helps to send a quick note that you have read it and when you will reply.

Read it. I'll get back to you by 3 p.m.

It's fine to reply in writing when you are giving a decision or acknowledging a report. But when the matter is complicated, or the message suggests your team member is worried or anxious, we recommend switching to a call or meeting in person.

This could get lost in text. Do you have about 10 minutes to talk? How about 4 p.m.?

One option is to agree together on how requests should be written.

For chat requests, if the first line says what you need and by when, like "Need a decision, by 3 p.m. today," I can reply faster. What do you think?

How to respond to each kind of request

How you respond depends on the kind of request. Even for the same event, "the delivery to Client C looks like it will be late," what you do first will differ.

Kind of request	Example of what your team member says	Manager's first response
A decision or an opinion	"I'm torn between cutting inspection by a day or asking them to extend the deadline."	Ask what they think, then give your view with your reasons. If it's yours to decide, decide on the spot
Action from you	"I'd like to ask the inspection team if they could move us up in the queue."	Say what you will do and by when. Don't promise how the other team will respond
A report they want you to know about	"The delivery to Client C will be 2 days late. I've already let them know."	Accept the report as it is. Only ask whether there is anything you should do
To be heard	"The person on the inspection team asked me to explain the same thing 3 times."	Listen to the end. Offer solutions only if asked

When you can't tell what kind of request it is

If you still can't tell what kind of request it is after listening for about 30 seconds, ask your team member.

Which is this closest to: you need a decision, you'd like me to do something, or you want me to know about it?
If you'd mainly like me to hear you out, I'll just keep listening.

You don't need to ask this every time. A request that ends with "Which should we go with?" is asking for a decision, and one that begins with "Just so you know" is a report. You can usually tell. When the first sentence makes it clear, just respond without asking.

The relationship between a manager and a team member goes through stages, and the approach that fits changes with the stage. Early on, when you have only just started working together, your team member may not be sure what they can ask you for, so it helps for you to offer the options.

Responding to a request for a decision or an opinion

When someone asks for a decision or an opinion, they often already have their own view. Ask for that view first, and then give your own view as their manager, specifically and with your reasons. If they want to think it through together, start by understanding what they are stuck on and what they want to do, and then work on it seriously together.

I'll share my view too. But first, could you tell me which option you think is better, [Name]?
If it were me, I'd ask Client C whether they could extend the deadline by a week. I think a defect from cutting inspection short would hurt Client C more.

If the matter is within what your team member can decide, tell them that and leave it to them.

You can go ahead with this one on your own judgment. Just check with me beforehand if the amount changes.

If you only ask questions back and never give your decision, your team member goes back to their desk with their work still stuck. On the other hand, if you give only your conclusion without hearing their view, you don't make use of the thinking they have already done.

Responding to a request for action from you

When a team member asks you to take action, tell them what you will do and by when before giving any advice.

KAKEAI's survey asked people who said their meetings lead to action about half the time or less to choose up to 5 reasons why they don't. Among them, 15.4% chose "I can't act because of time or cost constraints," and 9.4% chose "I can't because I lack the discretion or authority."

Issues your team member can't move on their own are hard to advance with advice like "Why don't you try asking them this way?"

I'll ask the head of the inspection team myself today.
Whether they can move us up depends on their answer. At 5 p.m., I'll update you either way, whether I've heard back or not.
In case they say no, could you prepare a draft message asking Client C to extend the deadline?

Responding to a report they want you to know about

Accept a report as it is first. Add instructions or ask how it happened only when you need to. If every report creates more work for them, your team member is more likely to hesitate next time.

Got it. Thanks for letting me know early. That really helps.
Is there anything I should do?
If the delay looks like it'll go beyond 2 days, let me know again.

Responding when they want to be heard

When a team member wants to be heard, it's fine to end with just listening. At the end, ask just one question: whether there is anything they'd like you to do.

That sounds really tough. What did they say the third time?
Is there anything you'd like me to do? If not, I'll just listen today.

If something comes up that they'd like you to do, respond to it as a request for action.

Next time that request comes in, send it to me. I'll explain it to the inspection team myself.

When you can't answer on the spot

For a request you can't answer on the spot, take it away to work on after telling your team member when you will reply. Promises made in passing leave no record, so write them down yourself.

On the spot, tell your team member who you will check with and when you will reply.
When you get back to your desk, send the same information by chat (for example: "On the Client C issue, I'll check with the inspection team. I'll reply by 3 p.m. tomorrow.").
When the promised time comes, update your team member yourself, even if you haven't finished checking.
At the start of your next 1-on-1, ask what happened with the request.

I can't say whether we can cut inspection by a day until I check with the inspection team. I'll tell you what I've found out by 3 p.m. tomorrow.
I haven't heard back from the inspection team yet. I'll check again tomorrow morning and let you know.
How did things turn out with the Client C delivery you asked me about last week?

You can't control when another department will reply. What you promise should be the time you will contact your team member, not the other team's answer.

In KAKEAI's survey, 6.2% of respondents named "My manager doesn't apply what we discussed day to day or doesn't keep promises" as a problem in meetings. Of these people, 23.2% feel their meetings lead to results, below the 31.9% for all respondents. People who named this problem tend to feel fewer results.

A reply to a request you took away is also one of the promises you have made to your team member.

When a team member raises harassment, health, or quitting in passing

When a team member raises harassment, health, or quitting at their desk, in the hallway, or by chat, don't go into the details on the spot. Set a separate place and time to talk. Your role on the spot is only to receive the request.

Thank you for telling me. This might be hard to talk about here, so let's find somewhere else to talk. How about 4 p.m. today?

Don't give definitive judgments on your own about whether something counts as harassment, whether they should take time off, or about the last working day and procedures. Check the work rules and with HR for all of these. Connect harassment concerns to the company's reporting channel, and health concerns to your occupational health contact (such as a company doctor) or medical professionals.

Even if you are asked "Please don't tell anyone," don't promise to do so. Depending on company policy, you may be required to inform HR.

I can't promise not to tell anyone. But before I tell anyone anything, I'll let you know who and what.

On a health concern, what you can decide yourself is how work is assigned.

Thank you for telling me. How are you feeling right now?
Which of today's tasks is the heaviest for you? I'll arrange things so that one can wait.
As for time off or seeing a doctor, I'll check with HR rather than answer based on my own view. I'll tell you what I've found out by tomorrow morning.

When a team member brings up quitting, don't mention a raise or a transfer to keep them. Neither is something you can decide alone.

How to look back on whether you responded well

Whether you responded well to a request is best judged by whether the work moved forward afterward. Don't use whether you were thanked, or whether your team member seemed comfortable, as the measure. Look back on what happened after the request with these three points:

After the request, did the work move on to the next step instead of stalling while waiting for a decision or reply?
Did you reply to the requests you took away by the time you promised, on your own initiative?
Has the same request come back to you in a different form?

When the same request comes back, your first response may not have matched what your team member needed. The second time, ask them what was missing.

My last answer may not have been enough. If something was missing, please tell me.

KAKEAI's survey asked whether meetings lead to action afterward. Among people who said they do every time or almost every time, 61.3% feel their meetings lead to results. Among those who said they rarely or never do, the figure was 7.0%. The more meetings lead to action, the more people feel results.

For requests at your desk or by chat, focus less on whether you listened and more on how the work moved forward afterward.

What Kakeai AI 1on1 can do in this situation

When you can't fully answer a request at your desk or by chat and want to continue the conversation in the next 1-on-1, Kakeai AI 1on1 can help in the following ways.

Before the 1-on-1

Choosing a topic and the response you'd like
Before a 1-on-1, the team member can choose the topic they want to discuss and how they would like their manager to respond (the expected response). Depending on your settings, managers can choose topics too. The selections appear on both of your screens.
Sharing notes in advance
Before a 1-on-1, you can write what you want to talk about in the "Notes for This 1-on-1" section. What you write also appears on the other person's screen.

Day to day

Summaries and next steps in one place
The summary of each 1-on-1 is collected on the "Schedule & History" screen, and the next steps you decided are collected on the "MOVE" screen, organized by each person you meet with. You can look back at them anytime.

Kakeai AI 1on1 is currently available in Japanese. If you would like to use it in English, let us know.

Used by 600+ companies / 3,000,000+ 1-on-1s supported

Frequently asked questions

When a team member asks for advice, should I hold back my opinion and just listen?

You don't need to decide in advance to just listen when a team member asks for advice. In KAKEAI's survey of 10,000 employees in Japan, 32.0% chose "I want specific advice" and 20.8% chose "I want you to listen" as things they expect from their manager in meetings (up to 5 choices). Some requests can end with just listening, and some are looking for advice. If you can't tell which, ask your team member what they need.

If I'm too busy to stop when a team member asks for advice, is it OK to say "later"?

If you can't break away when a team member asks for advice, it's fine to say you can't listen right now. But instead of only saying "later," ask when they need a reply, and tell them when you can listen. When a request is waiting on your decision or action, your team member's work stops until you reply. We recommend deciding whether it can wait based on their deadline for a reply, rather than on how busy you are.

When a team member asks for advice by chat, should I reply in writing or talk in person?

When a team member asks for advice by chat, start by sending a note that you have read it and when you will reply, for example: "Read it. I'll get back to you by 3 p.m." Giving a decision on which option to choose, or replying to a report, is fine in writing. When the matter is complicated, or the message suggests they are worried or anxious, we recommend asking "Do you have about 10 minutes to talk?" and switching to a call or meeting in person.

What should I do when a team member asks me something and I don't know the answer either?

When you can't answer a team member's request on the spot, say honestly that you don't know, and tell them who you will check with and when you will reply. You can't promise when another department will reply, so what you promise is the time you will contact your team member. When that time comes, tell them what you have found out so far, even if you haven't finished checking.

My team member asks me about everything and won't make decisions on their own. How should I respond?

When a team member asks about things they could decide on their own, they may not know how much has been left to them. Give your decision on that request, and then make the scope clear: "From now on, you can go ahead with things like this on your own judgment. Just check with me beforehand if the amount changes." If you only ask questions back, work that is waiting on a decision can stall.

Sources and how to cite these figures