What Managers Do That Demotivates Employees (and Fixes)

Manager behaviors that lower motivation come in two kinds: words and actions

The things managers do that lower a direct report's motivation fall into two kinds: what you say in the moment, and what you do before and after the conversation. It goes without saying that you should stop harsh behavior like yelling, comparing people, or attacking someone's character. This page covers behaviors that can happen even with managers who never talk that way.

Below, we also share results from KAKEAI's survey of 10,000 employees in Japan. The survey didn't ask about motivation itself. It asked about problems people have in their meetings with their manager, and whether they feel those meetings are contributing to results.

The table below lists the 5 meeting problems (multiple answers allowed) that relate to how the manager responds or behaves. Grouping them into 2 about words and 3 about actions is this page's own framing. Among all respondents, 31.9% felt their meetings were contributing to results.

For all 5 problems, the share of people who feel results is lower than among all respondents. Fewer people named the 3 action problems than the 2 word problems. Even so, the share who feel results ranges from 20.4% to 26.4%, close to the 23.4% for the most commonly named problem, "My manager's response isn't what I hoped for." Even when fewer people name a problem, the sense of results is just as low.

The 3 action problems won't go away no matter how you rephrase what you say in the moment. They're about what happens before and after the conversation: remembering what you heard, following through on promises, and keeping scheduled meetings.

These behaviors can start with a line meant to make the moment go smoothly. When you say "Let me think about it," your team member may feel relieved right then. It only becomes a broken promise when you do nothing afterward. Because you meant it as encouragement or consideration, it's hard to notice on your own.

Start by working through these in order.

1. Pick one request you answered with "Let me think about it" and still haven't followed up on, and give an answer this week.
2. Pick one well-meant phrase you tend to use, and try saying it differently.
3. Ask your team member whether your response matched what they were hoping for.

This page does not judge whether a particular behavior counts as workplace bullying or harassment. If you're concerned about something you've said or done, review your company's employment policies and talk with HR.

Things managers say that lower motivation, and what to say instead

The things managers say that are easiest to overlook are the lines meant as encouragement, consideration, advice, or praise. The words themselves aren't bad. But a line that doesn't match what your team member wants from you at that moment likely becomes the problem "My manager's response isn't what I hoped for."

Records of 300,000 1-on-1 sessions extracted from Kakeai, KAKEAI's 1-on-1 service (Kakeai AI 1on1), show that what direct reports want from their manager differs by the topic chosen before the 1-on-1. For the topic "building skills and abilities," direct reports picked "I want concrete advice" as what they wanted from the manager 19.2% of the time, more than "I want you to listen" at 6.9%. For the topic "relationships," on the other hand, "I want concrete advice" was 9.2%, while "I want your opinion" (15.9%) and "I want you to listen" (14.1%) were higher.

If you settle on just one way of engaging, such as encouraging, listening, or advising, it tends to miss what your team member wants on some topics.

Using a conversation with a team member who is preparing for a trade show, the table below shows well-meant lines managers often say and examples of how to rephrase them. Adjust the wording to the person and the situation.

In KAKEAI's survey, among people who named "What my manager says isn't useful" as a problem, 8.2% felt their meetings were contributing to results. That's the lowest of the 5 problems related to how the manager responds or behaves.

With advice and stories from your own experience, it often helps to first ask what your team member wants to decide right now, and then speak concretely about just that. You can find out whether your response matches what they want by asking them. Try adding a line like these before or after you share your view.

If your team member wants you to listen in a given session, it's fine to just listen.

Things managers do that lower motivation, and what to do after you promise something

The action that's easiest to overlook is doing nothing after a line that smoothed over the moment. We recommend deciding, for each situation, what you'll do after you've said it.

After you say "Let me think about it" or "I'll pass it up the chain"

When you say "Let me think about it," also tell your team member when you'll get back to them. Even if you don't have a conclusion by that day, tell them what you know so far. If you can't take something on, saying so right then with a reason makes it easier for them to plan their next move.

In Kakeai's records, the median gap between 1-on-1s for the same manager and direct report was 29 days. If you hold your answer until the next 1-on-1, your team member could end up waiting nearly a month. It often helps to answer before then, in person or by chat.

When you haven't used what you heard before in planning the work

Write down at least one line about what your team member told you, and use it in your opening line the next time you talk, or when you plan the work. If you realize you forgot, the best thing is to admit it openly, right then, yourself.

When you're tempted to say "You look busy, let's skip today"

If you cancel a 1-on-1 out of consideration, your team member may see it as a sign that you're not committed to 1-on-1s. We recommend not canceling, and either moving it to another day or holding a shorter one. When you reschedule, give the reason and agree on a new date and time together.

What to avoid so you don't lower your team's motivation

• Relying only on a list of "words never to say." These lists help you stop using harsh words. But they only cover what you say in the moment. And encouragement and praise tend to be filed under "OK to say." This page doesn't recommend relying on a list alone.
• Holding back on work talk or progress check-ins so you don't hurt motivation. Some advice says to avoid work topics in meetings so as not to lower motivation, but KAKEAI doesn't recommend that. In KAKEAI's survey, 33.8% of people who talk about "specific work" in their meetings felt the meetings were contributing to results, higher than the 25.4% of those who don't. Raising points for improvement early also makes it easier for your team member to act on them.
• Deciding to only listen because you're afraid of hurting them with words. KAKEAI also doesn't recommend deciding in advance that you'll never give your opinion and will only listen. In the same survey, 7.9% chose "I want you to listen" as what they most want from their manager in meetings. Those who chose "I want concrete advice," "I want your opinion," or "I want us to think it through together" as their top choice totaled 45.6%. If they're asking for your opinion or advice and you only listen, that's also a response that doesn't match what they wanted.

When you tell a team member about something you'd like them to improve, describe concretely what happened and what you'd like next time, and ask about their side of the situation too.

If something you said or did may have lowered their motivation, ask them

You can't tell on your own whether something you said or did lowered your team member's motivation. Actions like a promise left hanging are especially hard for an employee to point out. If something comes to mind, bring it up yourself, naming when you said what, and ask how they took it.

A team member's motivation isn't determined by your behavior alone. The work itself, evaluations, and life outside work all play a part. What you can change yourself is your own behavior. At the same time, only your team member can put into words what they want to talk about and what they want from you. You're both part of the relationship.

Relationships between managers and direct reports go through stages, and the right approach changes with the stage. The same "It's all yours" lands differently when someone is still on guard than when they can raise problems without letting them pile up. When you haven't worked together for long, it often helps to share the criteria for decisions and the deadline when you delegate.

How to tell whether you're lowering your team's motivation

We recommend judging whether your behavior is lowering motivation not only by how your team member reacts in the moment, but by how things go between you afterward. Look back using these three points.

• Do you still have requests you answered with "Let me think about it" without setting a date?
• After you changed how you say things, has it become easier for the two of you to raise questions and share progress?
• Are you getting candid feedback from your team member about how you respond and act?

In Kakeai's records, among sessions where the direct report sent feedback after the 1-on-1, "I feel motivated" was selected 11.3% of the time. That shows how hard it is to reach the point of feeling motivated from a single 1-on-1.

Based on its experience supporting more than 3 million 1-on-1s and its survey of 10,000 employees in Japan, KAKEAI believes that a meeting is judged by the actions that follow it. Look back on your own behavior the same way: not only how you said something in the moment, but what you did after you said it.