How to Respond When an Employee Pushes Back

Pushback that sounds like "talking back" falls into three situations

When a direct report pushes back, figure out which situation you're in before you react to how they said it. There are three: "their objection has a point," "the way or place they said it wasn't appropriate," and "they're objecting again to something already decided." Each one calls for a different response.

"Talking back" describes how the manager hears it. From here on, this page uses "push back" and "object," which describe what actually happened. The example throughout is a sales team where discount calculations in quotes were wrong 3 times last month, so the team manager decided, "I'll check every quote before it goes out."

In KAKEAI's survey of 10,000 employees in Japan, we asked people why they meet with their manager (up to five answers). The most common answer was "to move my own work forward," chosen by 52.8%. Next came "to understand the company's or organization's thinking and situation" at 38.5%, and "to maintain or improve my relationship with my manager" at 30.3%. More people chose "to move my own work forward" or "to understand the company's or organization's thinking and situation" than "to maintain or improve my relationship with my manager."

A direct report's pushback may be an opinion about how the work is done, or a question about the background behind a decision. To the manager it may look like a question of "will they follow instructions or not," but the team member may think they're talking about the work. If you treat it as an attitude problem, you can end up never answering what they actually said.

When an employee pushes back, say who decides and when, first

When a direct report pushes back, start by asking for one reason, then tell them who will decide that point and when. Feel free to adjust the wording and order to fit the person and the situation.

When it's unclear who decides, managers tend to get defensive, feeling "if I listen, I'll have to accept it." And if team members don't know whether something can still change, they tend to push harder. Hearing someone's opinion and reaching a conclusion are two separate things. Once it's clear who decides and when, your direct report finds it easier to speak up, and you find it easier to listen all the way through.

Who decides depends on what's being discussed. Tell your direct report which of these four it falls under.

After you hear the pushback, always give an answer: you'll "change the approach," "keep the approach," or "take it back and think it over." If you're taking it back, also say when you'll get back to them.

Drawing on its experience supporting more than 3 million 1-on-1s and its survey of 10,000 employees, KAKEAI believes that even when a direct report pushes back, the manager and the team member are both owners of the work. Pushback may be a sign that your direct report thinks of the work as their own. What the manager can do is give a proper answer to the pushback. What the team member can do is raise objections before the decision is made, with a concrete example. It helps to ask for this up front, like this:

What to say, situation by situation

Here are example conversations for each of the three situations, picking up right after the direct report pushes back.

When their objection has a point

If you think the objection has a point, say so on the spot and change the approach. Changing your mind doesn't change your role as the one who decides. You've simply made a new decision based on new information.

If you can't reach a conclusion on the spot, think it through while looking at the same material together.

In KAKEAI's survey of 10,000 employees, we asked what people most want from their manager in meetings. Among people who chose "think it through with me," 46.2% felt their meetings led to results. That compares with 31.9% of all respondents and 32.4% of people who chose "listen to me." People who most want their manager to think things through with them are more likely to feel their meetings lead to results.

In 300,000 1-on-1 sessions extracted from the records of Kakeai, KAKEAI's 1-on-1 service, "think it through with me" was the most common thing direct reports chose before a 1-on-1 as what they wanted from their manager, at 19.4%. The least common was "listen to me," at 11.7%. Thinking things through together is wanted more often than simply being listened to.

When you get pushback, we recommend understanding what your direct report is struggling with and what they want to do, and thinking it through together, rather than arguing about who's right. Sometimes being heard is enough, so ask them what they're hoping for.

When the way or place they said it wasn't appropriate

Even when the pushback comes in strong words, answer what they said. What you change is where and in what order you talk about it. In a meeting, just say you'll make time to hear them out later, and get back to the agenda.

Once it's just the two of you, we recommend answering the substance first. If you start with how they said it, it can easily sound like you're blaming them for objecting at all.

In the survey of 10,000 employees, 9.3% named "I worry about how it will affect my own evaluation or how I'm seen, so I can't speak openly" as a problem in meetings with their manager (multiple answers allowed).

Even when you ask them to change how they say things, don't blame them for objecting. A team member who feels blamed may find it harder to share any opinion next time.

The relationship between a manager and a direct report goes through stages, and the right approach depends on the stage. When you've only recently started working together, it's often better not to rush a request about how they say things, and to start by carefully answering the substance of the objection.

When they object again to something already decided

When objections to a decision keep coming back, respond differently depending on whether there's new information. If there is, treat it the same way as an objection that has a point. If there isn't, keep the decision and tell your direct report when it will be reviewed.

When the same objection keeps coming back, it may be because the manager never answered it last time. For your direct report, an objection that got no answer is still an open question. If that may be what happened, say so first.

Sometimes the manager isn't fully convinced by a decision made by the company or by someone higher up. In that case, keep these separate when you talk: your own view, who decides, and what you're going to do.

Responses to pushback you'll want to avoid

What to avoid is pushing through without hearing what they said, and using a single response for every objection.

• Ending the conversation with "Just do it." Pushback that gets no answer tends to either come back again or stop being voiced. Even if it stops, that doesn't mean your direct report agrees.
• Changing a decision because someone pushed hard. If forceful pushback wins, opinions raised calmly may get pushed aside. Change a decision only when there's new information.
• Applying one formula to every objection. There's a common piece of advice: "First acknowledge and validate, then respond." KAKEAI does not recommend applying this formula to every objection. For an objection that has a point, "Let's change it" gets through faster than any preamble. And if you respond to every objection about a settled decision with "I see," people may take it to mean the decision can still change.
• Giving fewer instructions and less feedback to avoid pushback. Talking less about the work may reduce pushback, but it also makes it harder to move forward on decisions and improvements.
• Blaming personality or generation. Once you lump someone together as "always talking back," it gets harder to listen to what each objection is actually about.

How to look back on how you handled pushback

You can't tell whether you handled pushback well by whether it decreased, because reducing pushback isn't the goal. Look back on how the two of you have been working together from these three angles.

• Before deciding, did the two of you talk through the objection and a concrete example?
• Did your answer reach your direct report by the day you promised?
• Is the decision being carried out, and are things that don't fit being discussed at the review?

In KAKEAI's survey of 10,000 employees, we asked whether meetings lead to action afterward. Among people who said their meetings lead to action almost every time, 56.7% felt their meetings led to results. Among people who said it happens about half the time, the figure was 15.7%. The more a person's meetings lead to action, the more likely they are to feel the meetings lead to results.

We recommend looking back on how you handle pushback not by whether pushback came up, but by whether the decisions were carried out afterward.