When an Employee Asks to Meet: How to Respond

What's going on when an employee asks to meet with you

When a direct report says, "Do you have a minute?" or "Can I ask you about something?", you have no idea yet how serious it is. Your team member may not have decided what they want from you either.

These requests don't always come at a good time. It might be in the middle of month-end close, or in the hallway on your way to a meeting. If all you say is "Not now, later," your team member has to find the right moment to ask again on their own.

Approaching a manager isn't easy for employees

In KAKEAI's survey of 10,000 employees in Japan, 9.7% of respondents named "I can't bring up what I want to talk about or what needs to be discussed" as a problem with their meetings with their manager. Among respondents in their 20s, it was 15.0%.

Among people who named this problem, 36.5% felt their meetings were contributing to results, higher than the 31.9% of all respondents. People who struggle to bring things up are not less likely to see results from their meetings.

Asking a manager for time on their own takes courage. Your first words can make it easier, or harder, for them to say what's on their mind.

For health and relationship topics, employees are less likely to say what they want from you

Records of 300,000 1-on-1 sessions extracted from Kakeai, KAKEAI's 1-on-1 service (Kakeai AI 1on1), capture the topic a direct report chose before a 1-on-1 and what they hoped the manager would do about it. The share of topics where nothing was chosen for "what I want from my manager" was 22.2% for "work progress and how to approach the work," 33.8% for "relationships," and 40.9% for "physical and mental well-being." This suggests that for relationships and well-being, it isn't easy to decide what you want from your manager, even when you have time to choose in advance.

Assume that a team member who approaches you suddenly may not have decided what they want from you. If you ask right then, "What do you need from me?", they may not know how to answer.

What to say first when an employee asks to meet

When a direct report asks to meet, start with "Of course," and ask about the place and how urgent it is before asking what it's about.

The reason not to ask "What's up?" or "What's it about?" on the spot is that other people are around. If it's something hard to say in front of others, they may brush it off with "It's nothing, really," or ask some other quick question and go back to their desk.

If they say "Here is fine," listen right there.

If you're moving somewhere else, ask what they'd prefer. If no meeting room is free, a shared meeting area or an online call works too.

If the request comes by chat, like "Could I have some of your time?", don't ask what it's about in writing. Reply with when you can talk.

When an employee asks to meet and you can't make time right away

Even when you can't make time right away, don't just say no. Do two things on the spot: ask whether it's urgent, and propose a specific time today or tomorrow yourself.

Avoid answers like "later," "once things calm down," or "when I'm free." An answer with no time attached means your team member has to approach you again. For the same reason, this page doesn't recommend saying "Feel free to come to me anytime" and then waiting.

If they say it should be today, either let the meeting know you'll be a little late and listen for 5 minutes, or tell them a time after the meeting. If it turns out to be more than a 5-minute conversation, pause there and set a time to continue.

When the agreed time comes, you go to them. If you can't make it, contact them before that time and reschedule.

In KAKEAI's survey, the most common problem people named with their manager meetings was "my manager's availability and scheduling," at 24.6%. Among people who named this problem, 44.6% felt their meetings were contributing to results, higher than the 31.9% of all respondents. Even for people who see results from their meetings, a manager's limited availability is a real problem.

When someone suddenly asks to meet and you can't make time right away, it often helps to at least settle, right then, when you'll talk.

In Kakeai's records, among manager and direct report pairs who held 3 or more 1-on-1s in the last 3 months, 80.0% met at a monthly pace. At that pace, if you say "I'll hear about it at our next regular meeting," your team member may wait several weeks. This page doesn't recommend giving that answer to someone who approached you without waiting for the regular meeting.

How to handle each kind of request (work questions, resignation, health, harassment)

Once you've moved somewhere private, don't try to guess what it's about. Let your team member start wherever is easiest for them. After you've heard the main points, ask what they're hoping you'll do.

Avoid jumping ahead with "Is this about you leaving?" If you're wrong, they'll have to share the real issue knowing you're braced for bad news.

When it's a question about work

With work questions, it's fine if some conversations end with you just listening. But KAKEAI doesn't recommend deciding in advance that "when an employee comes to you, the manager should only listen and never interject." Nodding along when they want your opinion, or talking on and on when they didn't ask, both miss what your team member wanted.

In Kakeai's records, for the topic "work progress and how to approach the work," direct reports picked "I want us to think it through together" 17.0% of the time, the most common choice other than "other." "I want you to listen" was 7.5%. For conversations about how to approach work, thinking it through together is wanted more often than simply being heard.

If they want to think it through together, first make an effort to understand what they're struggling with and what they themselves want to do, and then work on it with them seriously. If they ask for your opinion, ask for their view first, then share yours concretely.

When it's about resigning or transferring

When the topic is resigning or transferring, start by asking whether they've already decided or are still unsure. Someone who has decided and is letting you know wants something different from someone who is unsure and wants advice.

Don't bring up a raise or a transfer to try to keep them. On questions like their last day or how to submit a resignation, don't give a definitive answer based on your own opinion. Check your company's employment policies and with HR.

When it's about their health

When it's about their health, don't rush to give opinions or suggestions. First, listen all the way through. In Kakeai's records, for the topic "physical and mental well-being," direct reports picked "I want you to listen" 17.4% of the time, the most common choice other than "other."

After listening, what you handle on your own judgment stops at the work side. Don't say anything that guesses at a diagnosis or cause (such as "Maybe you're just tired" or "Isn't it all in how you look at it?").

For leave, working hours, or seeing a doctor, check your company's employment policies and with HR, and connect them with occupational health services or a medical professional. If your workplace has no occupational health doctor, ask HR where they can go for support. If the situation seems urgent, don't carry it alone. Talk with HR that same day.

When it's a harassment complaint

When you receive a harassment complaint, don't decide by yourself whether it's true or whether it counts as harassment. That day, do these three things.

1. Write down what you heard.
2. Ask the employee whom you may share what they told you with, and how much.
3. Check your company's employment policies and with HR about how managers are required to respond.

Then connect them with the company's reporting channel or HR. If they mention that it's also affecting their health, connect them with occupational health services or a medical professional too.

Don't say things like "Aren't you overthinking it?", "I'm sure they didn't mean any harm," or "You have things to work on too." Each of these amounts to you passing judgment on the spot. Also, don't go talk to the person they've named before checking with your team member. It would reveal who made the complaint.

How to look back on a meeting your employee asked for

The yardstick for looking back on a meeting your team member asked for is less whether you listened and more what moved forward afterward. Based on its experience supporting more than 3 million 1-on-1s and its survey of 10,000 employees in Japan, KAKEAI believes that whether a meeting your employee asked for went well is also judged by the actions that follow. Look back on your time together using these three points.

• Were you the one who went to them at the agreed time?
• When the meeting ended, did you both share what your team member would do next and what you would do, and by when?
• Did you tell them what you'd learned by the deadline you promised?

One more yardstick is whether the same team member comes to you again the next time they're struggling. If you feel they've stopped coming to you, look back at how you handled what they told you before. If there's something you never got back to them on, bring it up yourself.